From the Dust

MISSED

I dressed up, fixed my hair, applied make-up.
I walked with head held high though embarrassment was painted on my soul.
I spoke animatedly hoping to wash away the uneasiness that threatens to show.
I acted as though I were a Majesty who was to show up in front of those people and accept the crown.
And you were my King. 

I took a shot, squeezed my eyes as I tasted the bitter fluid,
The concoction almost intolerable,
The very tool used to inject courage in my wavering heart.
I clenched my fist and waited for a chance in bated breath.
I waited in bated breath.

But as reality showed its face upon me,
Bared its fangs against the alabaster skin,
Struck down its enemy, the Fantasy,
Everything went to a big blur.
Nothing remained still, nothing stayed lucid. 

Perhaps there weren't enough ounce of courage for me to use.
There wasn't enough opportunity to let a simple plan be set into motion.
Perhaps the flashing cameras were a bunch of distractions,
The lenses focusing on the exterior rather than the one Beyond.
And I only wanted one thing---- 

May I have the second button of your shirt?




-aruki, 020709; 11:59 pm



(A/N: Haha, just thought of this piece in a flash. Something happened last week and well, that inspired me to just put the thought into words. Half of this is based on experience though; half is bluff. Yeah. Pardon the utterly lame wordings--haven't written something in so long, that's why.)

Ahahaha, found this while reading through my old blogsite. XD

Afternoon Contemplation

Try

by Asher Book

If I walk would you run

If I stop would you come

If I say you’re the one would you believe me

If I ask you to stay would you show me the way

Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me

The world is catching up to you

While you're running away to chase your dream

Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change 

And maybe im not ready 

But I'll try for your love 

I can hide up above

I will try for your love 

we’ve been hiding enough 

If I sing you a song would you sing along 

or wait till im gone , oh how we push and pull 

If I give you my heart would you just play the part 

or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful 

Am I catching up to you 

while you're running away , to chase your dreams 

It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change 

and maybe im not ready 

But I'll try for your love 

I can hide up above 

I will try for your love 

We’ve been hiding enough 

I will try for your love 

I can hide up above

If I walk would you run 

If I stop would you come

If I say you’re the one would you believe me

I feel like crying each time this song plays. I suppose there are just instances that the message of the song, or the entire feel of it is reflective of what we feel, or what we wish for. It's amazing how one can be moved simply by how the words are arranged and how they are delivered--in this case, sung. Ah, I'm getting distracted again.

The Cycle of Life

A fresh heart. 

Untainted, innocent, unwavering.

A weeping, corrugated heart. 

Unguarded, abused, neglected.

A decayed heart.

Famished, terminal, forgotten.

**

Ah, seriously want to elaborate this, but my brain's too fried to be able to come up with anything creative. I'm so sorry, Mr and Ms Leaf! I just had to take your photos! The rather morose weather inspired me. *cries* (Still contemplating whether I'd make this part of Project 52, or even start it at all, but for now, I'll leave it as is.)

Aitai

Sung by Megpoid/GUMI

Lyrics by Deadman

Composed by Dios (signalP)

NicoNicoDouga: http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm11713594

Original / Romaji Lyrics nee, ima sugu aitaiyo honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanai mama itsudemo sobani itakara itsudemo warai attetakara sou, itsudatte my friend donnani hanareteitemo kimi wo omou kono kimochi negau hodo tsuraku naruyo mou, ano hi mitaini waraenaitte iwanaide nee, ima sugu aitaiyo honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todoka naimama kimi ni aitai aitaiyo ano hi mitaini "sukidayo"tte kikasete itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todoka nakutemo konomama sobani itakute konomama warai attetakute sou, itsumademo my friend donnani hanareteitemo kimi wo omou kono kimochi negau hodo tsuraku naruyo mou, ano hi mitaini waraenaitte iwanaide nee, korekara aitaiyo yuuki dashite tobashitemone meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanai mama kimi ni ai tai ai taiyo ano hi mitaini "suki dayo"tte kikasete itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanakutemo nemurenai yoru nando koetemo "aitai" kono kimochi mada kietenaiyo nee, ima sugu aitaiyo honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanai mama kimi ni aitai aitaiyo ano hi majiwashita "sukidayo"tte kotobawa itsumademo watashi no mune no naka ni kanjiteru kara todoka nakutemo  kanjiteru kara

English Translation Hey, I want to meet you right now The plain text that hides the truth Is always never delivered To your heart You were always by my side You always laughed with me Yes, you're always my friend No matter how far apart we are This heart that thinks of you Becomes pained the more I wish Now, like that day Don't tell me that you can't laugh Hey, I want to meet you right now The plain text that hides the truth Is always never delivered To your heart I want to meet you meet you Tell me "I like you" like that day Even if it isn't delivered To your heart I want to stay by your side I want to always laugh with you Yes, always my friend No matter how far apart we are This heart that thinks of you Becomes pained the more I wish Now, like that day Don't tell me that you can't laugh Hey, I want to meet you from now on Even though I gather up courage and send you This message, it'll never, like always, Be delivered to your heart I want to meet you meet you Tell me "I like you" like that day Even if it isn't delivered To your heart Even though many sleepless nights pass by, "I want to meet you" this heart Isn't gone yet Hey, I want to meet you right now The plain text that hides the truth Is always never delivered To your heart I want to meet you meet you The "I like you" we exchanged that day Will always be felt Inside my heart Even if it's not delivered, I'll feel it

What Love Can Give...

Love Gives Love Takes

Just when I thought I was safe

You found me in my hiding place

I'd promised never again

I wouldn't give my heart, but then

Closer, closer I moved near you

The way I want you makes me fear you

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

I find it hard to explain

It's crazy but it's happening

And I'm falling again

Much further than I've ever been

I'm falling deeper than the ocean

I am lost in this emotion

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

Ahh, Oh yeah

Love can give

And love can take away, (take away)

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry, (love can make you cry)

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

I've been listening to The Corrs since back in 5th grade. Our small group of friends even have this "jamming session" every lunch when we'll simply sing songs from their albums and just have fun. (But I have no idea where those people have gone after we entered high school. Different crowds, different schools; no connection at all anymore!)

I remember this song being one of my favorites back then. As embarrassing as it sounds, I had a crush on a classmate and this played in my head whenever she's near. Haha. But I'd like to thank her, for that fleeting feeling, because it opened a new door for me: I wrote prose and poems and even wrote songs.

But, indeed... what love can give, love can take away.

Smile

Smile 

by Uncle Kracker

You´re better then the best

I´m lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler than the flip side of my pillow that´s right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me

Lets me know that it´s ok 

Yeah it´s ok

And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed 

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Even when you´re gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed 

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you

'Cuz every time that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed 

Sing like bird

Dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Oh, you make me smile

Oh, you make me smile 

Will probably start posting lyrics of songs that I'm listening to, and put some reflection on them. I haven't really stopped to listen to them; most of the time, I get attracted to a music because of the melody. It's about time I take it a little deeper.

For now, this is one random song in my player that I feel happy listening to. It's pretty simple, but apparently says something about how I'm feeling about a particular someone. Haha. Doesn't fail to make me smile. It's like, no matter how simple the gesture is, it makes the rather gloomy day totally bright!

Caffeine and Protein Boost

Sometimes, I can't help but think that whatever happiness I've experienced one time, an equivalent amount (or even greater) sadness or unfortunate things happen. Equivalent Exchange, yea?

It's been almost a week since our last getaway to Singapore to attend Anime Festival Asia, to support our friends who represented Philippines in the recently held Regional Cosplay Competition, along with other rep's from Southeast Asia: Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. It's one of the most unforgettable experiences I've had, and am feeling extra proud to be a Filipino cosplayer. To cut the story short, Team Philippines (March Omega's Zhel and AC) won the competition, and Sir Robert Wong bagged the award for Singles Competition.

But now, it's back to reality. Back to work, and the never-ending cycle of waking up each morning, dreading each step into the ward.

For the past few days, I have this chant in my head that's intended to keep me a little boosted with work. It's to keep my head from being in the clouds; to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. Sadly, the power of words doesn't seem to have any effect in my performance. Instead, I continue to think and think and think, and it doesn't help one bit. When I think, I stop entirely and then my mind wanders to I-don't-know-where.

I need an inspiration badly. I want to have the burning passion to perform tasks efficiently. I want to be best both in career and hobby so I can say I'm satisfied.

One Lesson

I've been looking for a light

At the end of this tunnel

I've been searching for a sign

To lead me home

Too many endless nights

Of sorrow

But on the other side of this

I know that my heart will live

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe

I don't understand many things 

But the miracle of love

and all my dreams

'Cause I still believe

And the more I live my life

The lesser I question

All the things I just can't see

Right in front of my eyes

So I take that leap of faith

And learn a few lessons

Time showed me that

What you give is what you get

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe

I don't know the answer to my prayer

But I keep kneeling down like somebody is there

'Cause I still believe

Well, I guess I could give up

'Cause there are days I wanna run away

From everything

But what good would that do for me

'Cause I, I, I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe (yes I do)

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring

But I'm open to all possibilities

'Cause I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe 

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring

But I'm open to all possibilities

'Cause I still believe

But I, but I believe

I never saw a man, never saw a man, never saw a man,

Who walked on the water

I never saw a man, never saw a man, never saw a man,

But I, but I, but I believe (yeah)

But I, but I, but I believe

But I, but I, but I believe

This song by Danny Gokey was playing on loop as I was walking around a park near Boon Keng Station around two, just this morning. I find it comforting to listen to, as it seemed to be speaking to me.

For the past weeks, there are random things running in my head that I neglect my health and work. Looking for a "healthy" distraction wasn't easy, either, as I wasn't even "functioning" well. There were moments when I was throwing questions out loud, or simply staring into the void.... and then, this came.

Whenever I feel like drowning into my thoughts again, I'll just play this song and everything is blown away. I just have to believe. :)