To Catch That Dream

I just wanted to ruffle your hair, stroke your face, hold your hand as we walk. But I guess doing those will just be part of a far-off dream, right? I brought it upon myself, and I'm not proud of it.

Someone told me it's okay to be nervous when contemplating on talking to someone whom you know you've done something terrible against; it means the intention of really hoping to work it out is there. But why do I feel like whatever I do, it won't be enough for me to be forgiven, or to have things go back the way they were? And what if... maybe... I'm not giving anything special, instead, just sadness and pain? Do I still deserve the love given to me? Or, shouldn't the question be: will I be good enough to fill up the void? Does a wretched person like me who only thinks of myself deserve someone as good as her?

If I lose her, what then?

...Then again, reality check, aruki. You don't own her.

Late

For the first time in six years, I can clearly recall my dream with him in it: It was a typical day out in a rather cold place; we were donned on thick jackets and bonnets and gloves and earmuffs. He was walking alongside me, the wide smile on his youthful face was simply overflowing with happiness. I remember putting my arm around his shoulders, I was playfully pulling him closer and embracing him. Again, and again, and again. And then I seriously told him how much I missed him as I cried and he merely looked at me and smiled that sincere smile of his.

Snap.

Just like that, the dream came to an abrupt end.