Fears

While some of us have irrational fears over something others deem normal, others experience anxiety over something they believe might happen in the future. More of the inevitability of these circumstances, people dread them from occurring, but still having that inkling feeling that they /might/ happen. It's all too confusing; probably similar to what Harry and Ron experience in Divination class.

Now, though, there is one thing I fear: That the day will come when I will be the only one holding on. The future without her will be too bleak.

Somebody That I Used To Know

by Gotye feat. Kimbra

[Gotye:]

Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die

Told myself that you were right for me

But felt so lonely in your company

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness

Like resignation to the end, always the end

So when we found that we could not make sense

Well you said that we would still be friends

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[Kimbra:]

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done

But I don't wanna live that way

Reading into every word you say

You said that you could let it go

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know

[Gotye:]

But you didn't have to cut me off

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing

And I don't even need your love

But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough

No you didn't have to stoop so low

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number

I guess that I don't need that though

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

[x2]

Somebody

(I used to know)

Somebody

(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)

(I used to know)

(That I used to know)

(I used to know)

Somebody

Wallowing

Misery

By Maroon 5

So scared of breaking it that you won't let it bend

And I wrote two hundred letters I will never send

Sometimes these cuts are so much deeper then they seem

You'd rather cover up, I'd rather let them be

So let me be, and I'll set you free

I am in misery

There ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah

Why won't you answer me?

The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

Now I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna get you back

Your salty skin and how it mixes in with mine

The way it feels to be completely intertwined

Not that I didn't care, it's that I didn't know

It's not what I didn't feel, it's what I didn't show

So let me be, and I'll set you free

I am in misery

And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah

Why won't you answer me?

The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

And now I'm gonna get you back

Now I'm gonna get you back

You say your faith is shaken, and you may be mistaken

You keep me wide awake and waiting for the sun

I'm desperate and confused, so far away from you

I'm getting there, I don't care where I have to roam

Why do you do what you do to me, yeah?

Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?

Why do you do what you do to me yeah?

Why won't you answer me, answer me yeah?

I am in misery

And there ain't nobody who can comfort me, oh yeah

Why won't you answer me?

The silence is slowly killing me, oh yeah

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

And now I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna get you back

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

And now I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna get you back

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

And now I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna get you back

Girl you really got me bad

You really got me bad

Now I'm gonna get you back

I'm gonna get you back

Sometimes it takes me a long time to think of a reply, and when I do and then I start typing, I think twice whether I should send it or not, thinking it might be annoying or bothersome, or untimely.

In-between thoughts though, I just wish I'm sitting beside you, just looking at you tackling work and letters and documents; kinda like a kid on her father's office, or something like that. Hahahaha... Weird.

Sad

Sad

by Maroon 5

Man, it's been a long day

Stuck thinking 'bout it driving on the freeway

Wondering if I really tried everything I could

Not knowing if I should try a little harder

Oh, but I'm scared to death

That there may not be another one like this

And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you

The place that you needed to have

I'm so sad, saaad

Man, it's been a long night

Just sitting here, trying not to look back

Still looking at the road we never drove on

And wondering if the one I chose was the right one

Oh, but I'm scared to death

That there may not be another one like this

And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you

The place that you needed to have

I'm so sad, saaad

I'm so sad, so sad

Oh, but I'm scared to death

That there may not be another one like this

And I confess that I'm only holding on by a thin thin thread

I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

And I'm kicking the dirt cause I never gave you

The place that you needed to have

And I'm kicking the curb cause you never heard

The words that you needed so bad

I'm so sad, so sad

Photo unrelated to the song, but as I recall that time when I took this shot, I guess that was what I was feeling. No wonder it looks so sad, so plain. It lacks life despite the green color shouting in your face.

Just Because

Porque

Performed by: Maldita

***

Tulala lang sa’king kwarto

At nagmu-muni-muni

Ang tanong sa’king sarili

Sa’n ako nagkamali

Bakit sa’yo pa nagkagusto

Parang bula ika’y naglaho

Chorus:

Porque contigo yo ya iskuji

Aura mi corazon ta supri

Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi

Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti

Ta pidi milagro, vira’l tiempo

El mali hace derecho

Na dimio reso ta pidi yo

Era olvidas yo contigo

Ang lahat ay binigay ko

Ngayon ay sising-sisi

Sobra sobra ang parusa

Di alam kung kaya pa

Wag nang lumapit

At tumawag pa at baka masampal lang kita

Di babalikan

Magsisi ka man

Ako ay lisanin

Porque contigo yo ya iskuji

Aura mi corazon ta supri

Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi

Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti

Bakit ikaw pa ang napili

Ngayon ang puso ko ay sawi

Kay simple lang ng aking hiling

Na madama mo rin ang pait at pighati

Sana’y magmilagro

Mabalik ko

Mali ay maiderecho

Pinagdarasal ko sa’king puso

Na mabura na sa isip ko

Before the day ended, I got a text from my friend:  "When one is in love, the only thing that makes sense is everything between them. But when one is in deceit, everything around them makes sense." 

But it's not as though I had been deceived. In truth, I was the one who was too blind to see everything that was happening around me. All the clues were laid out before me, I was merely preoccupied with my own assumptions, which basically made me end up on the "losing side". Somehow, though, the experience has taught me to be more observant, to be more keen, and stay on track. It does not help at all to assume facts or endings by simply relying on the words uttered; the sugar-coated praises, or manipulative remarks, or misleading conversations. 

One must always be wary of what others say, be it in their nature, or simply a whim. Try to be as objective as you can, empathize, put yourself in his/her shoes, and see the bigger picture. Try thinking out of the box and see where everything is going based on the signs given out. Doesn't hurt to be careful so you won't get hurt. Emotionally speaking, coming from a prideful creature whose ego had been grabbed by the head and dragged across the wall to bleed and crack open the skull.

They say it is impossible to keep emotions from interfering with work. I believe otherwise. In one way or another, emotional burden or mental stress can greatly affect one's performance on a job. And it sucks that such a little thing has racked my brain so hard it turned into mush. SNAP.

Continue

So I will never forget the day a massive weight slammed down on one side of the scale that threw everything off-balance:

Continued Story

Vocals: Hitomi

Lyrics: Kuroishi Hitomi

Composition: Kuroishi Hitomi

Arrangement: Kuroishi Hitomi

***

Even just with that single droplet

I just might be able to protect the flower

It’s your smiling face, and with that alone

I can even reach out my hands

If you gather up those trembling voices

You just might be able to start a wind

Light the fleeting glow known as your life

And move your feet forward

La la la la la la la la lan

Let’s meet again someday

La la la la la la la la lan

As long as we’re still alive

What are my overflowing thoughts

That overcome time yet get caught by it?

Where are those people now?

Who keep kindness in corners of their eyes

There’s a new seat next to me

We’ll meet again for the sake of the future

Let’s try living through the day known as today

For as long as we can without façades

It’s sad and painful for people

Nevertheless, their roads continue endlessly

La la la la la la la la lan

Let’s meet again someday

La la la la la la la la lan

As long as we’re still alive

La la la la la la la la lan

That which the wind carries

La la la la la la la la lan

Is a melody that opens up tomorrow

La la la la la la la la lan

Let’s meet again someday

La la la la la la la la lan

As long as we’re still alive

La la la la la la la la lan

That which the wind carries

La la la la la la la la lan

Is a melody that opens up tomorrow

12.22.2011

The scale is broken. It's time to bite down the tears, forget the empty words spoken, and revert to the old ways. 

Afternoon Contemplation

Try

by Asher Book

If I walk would you run

If I stop would you come

If I say you’re the one would you believe me

If I ask you to stay would you show me the way

Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me

The world is catching up to you

While you're running away to chase your dream

Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change 

And maybe im not ready 

But I'll try for your love 

I can hide up above

I will try for your love 

we’ve been hiding enough 

If I sing you a song would you sing along 

or wait till im gone , oh how we push and pull 

If I give you my heart would you just play the part 

or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful 

Am I catching up to you 

while you're running away , to chase your dreams 

It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change 

and maybe im not ready 

But I'll try for your love 

I can hide up above 

I will try for your love 

We’ve been hiding enough 

I will try for your love 

I can hide up above

If I walk would you run 

If I stop would you come

If I say you’re the one would you believe me

I feel like crying each time this song plays. I suppose there are just instances that the message of the song, or the entire feel of it is reflective of what we feel, or what we wish for. It's amazing how one can be moved simply by how the words are arranged and how they are delivered--in this case, sung. Ah, I'm getting distracted again.

Aitai

Sung by Megpoid/GUMI

Lyrics by Deadman

Composed by Dios (signalP)

NicoNicoDouga: http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm11713594

Original / Romaji Lyrics nee, ima sugu aitaiyo honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanai mama itsudemo sobani itakara itsudemo warai attetakara sou, itsudatte my friend donnani hanareteitemo kimi wo omou kono kimochi negau hodo tsuraku naruyo mou, ano hi mitaini waraenaitte iwanaide nee, ima sugu aitaiyo honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todoka naimama kimi ni aitai aitaiyo ano hi mitaini "sukidayo"tte kikasete itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todoka nakutemo konomama sobani itakute konomama warai attetakute sou, itsumademo my friend donnani hanareteitemo kimi wo omou kono kimochi negau hodo tsuraku naruyo mou, ano hi mitaini waraenaitte iwanaide nee, korekara aitaiyo yuuki dashite tobashitemone meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanai mama kimi ni ai tai ai taiyo ano hi mitaini "suki dayo"tte kikasete itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanakutemo nemurenai yoru nando koetemo "aitai" kono kimochi mada kietenaiyo nee, ima sugu aitaiyo honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni todokanai mama kimi ni aitai aitaiyo ano hi majiwashita "sukidayo"tte kotobawa itsumademo watashi no mune no naka ni kanjiteru kara todoka nakutemo  kanjiteru kara

English Translation Hey, I want to meet you right now The plain text that hides the truth Is always never delivered To your heart You were always by my side You always laughed with me Yes, you're always my friend No matter how far apart we are This heart that thinks of you Becomes pained the more I wish Now, like that day Don't tell me that you can't laugh Hey, I want to meet you right now The plain text that hides the truth Is always never delivered To your heart I want to meet you meet you Tell me "I like you" like that day Even if it isn't delivered To your heart I want to stay by your side I want to always laugh with you Yes, always my friend No matter how far apart we are This heart that thinks of you Becomes pained the more I wish Now, like that day Don't tell me that you can't laugh Hey, I want to meet you from now on Even though I gather up courage and send you This message, it'll never, like always, Be delivered to your heart I want to meet you meet you Tell me "I like you" like that day Even if it isn't delivered To your heart Even though many sleepless nights pass by, "I want to meet you" this heart Isn't gone yet Hey, I want to meet you right now The plain text that hides the truth Is always never delivered To your heart I want to meet you meet you The "I like you" we exchanged that day Will always be felt Inside my heart Even if it's not delivered, I'll feel it

What Love Can Give...

Love Gives Love Takes

Just when I thought I was safe

You found me in my hiding place

I'd promised never again

I wouldn't give my heart, but then

Closer, closer I moved near you

The way I want you makes me fear you

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

I find it hard to explain

It's crazy but it's happening

And I'm falling again

Much further than I've ever been

I'm falling deeper than the ocean

I am lost in this emotion

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

Ahh, Oh yeah

Love can give

And love can take away, (take away)

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry, (love can make you cry)

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

Love breaks and love divides

Love laughs and love can make you cry

I can't believe the ways

That love can give

And love can take away

I've been listening to The Corrs since back in 5th grade. Our small group of friends even have this "jamming session" every lunch when we'll simply sing songs from their albums and just have fun. (But I have no idea where those people have gone after we entered high school. Different crowds, different schools; no connection at all anymore!)

I remember this song being one of my favorites back then. As embarrassing as it sounds, I had a crush on a classmate and this played in my head whenever she's near. Haha. But I'd like to thank her, for that fleeting feeling, because it opened a new door for me: I wrote prose and poems and even wrote songs.

But, indeed... what love can give, love can take away.

Smile

Smile 

by Uncle Kracker

You´re better then the best

I´m lucky just to linger in your light

Cooler than the flip side of my pillow that´s right

Completely unaware

Nothing can compare to where you send me

Lets me know that it´s ok 

Yeah it´s ok

And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed 

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Even when you´re gone

Somehow you come along

Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that

You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed 

Sing like a bird

Dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you

'Cuz every time that I get around you

I see the best of me inside your eyes

You make me smile

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun

Fall outta bed 

Sing like bird

Dizzy in my head 

Spin like a record

Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool

Forget how to breathe

Shine like gold 

Buzz like a bee

Just the thought of you can drive me wild

Oh, you make me smile

Oh, you make me smile

Oh, you make me smile 

Will probably start posting lyrics of songs that I'm listening to, and put some reflection on them. I haven't really stopped to listen to them; most of the time, I get attracted to a music because of the melody. It's about time I take it a little deeper.

For now, this is one random song in my player that I feel happy listening to. It's pretty simple, but apparently says something about how I'm feeling about a particular someone. Haha. Doesn't fail to make me smile. It's like, no matter how simple the gesture is, it makes the rather gloomy day totally bright!

One Lesson

I've been looking for a light

At the end of this tunnel

I've been searching for a sign

To lead me home

Too many endless nights

Of sorrow

But on the other side of this

I know that my heart will live

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe

I don't understand many things 

But the miracle of love

and all my dreams

'Cause I still believe

And the more I live my life

The lesser I question

All the things I just can't see

Right in front of my eyes

So I take that leap of faith

And learn a few lessons

Time showed me that

What you give is what you get

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe

I don't know the answer to my prayer

But I keep kneeling down like somebody is there

'Cause I still believe

Well, I guess I could give up

'Cause there are days I wanna run away

From everything

But what good would that do for me

'Cause I, I, I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe (yes I do)

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring

But I'm open to all possibilities

'Cause I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water

I never met a man who walked on the water

But I still believe 

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring

But I'm open to all possibilities

'Cause I still believe

But I, but I believe

I never saw a man, never saw a man, never saw a man,

Who walked on the water

I never saw a man, never saw a man, never saw a man,

But I, but I, but I believe (yeah)

But I, but I, but I believe

But I, but I, but I believe

This song by Danny Gokey was playing on loop as I was walking around a park near Boon Keng Station around two, just this morning. I find it comforting to listen to, as it seemed to be speaking to me.

For the past weeks, there are random things running in my head that I neglect my health and work. Looking for a "healthy" distraction wasn't easy, either, as I wasn't even "functioning" well. There were moments when I was throwing questions out loud, or simply staring into the void.... and then, this came.

Whenever I feel like drowning into my thoughts again, I'll just play this song and everything is blown away. I just have to believe. :)