Saturday, April 13, 2013

The Worse It Gets

1. I'm emo; I over-react.
2. I'm insensitive and inconsiderate.
3. I'm foul-mouthed.
4. I'm insecure.

Just what the hell is wrong with me? I say grand things, but can't even prove them. I claim to be strong but all I'm doing is just putting myself in the dark, and prove to be unworthy of saving. I'd been so accustomed to have a monologue with myself inside my head that I don't even know how to relate with other people anymore, thus leading to conflicts and misunderstandings, some baseless arguments that eventually tire the people around me.

If it weren't for someone to tell me straight out that I'm those listed above, I'd continue doing them that instead of bringing me and her together would most likely drift us apart, with distance surpassing that of physical aspect.

How can I be so selfish? How can I be so self-centered? How can I be so dumb and stupid to realize that the things I dread are actually made by me?

I keep telling myself that if it's her, I don't mind giving up a lot of things, but this train of thought is not as beautiful as one claims it to be: it's intimidating. I've been told to keep doing what I have to do; finish what I started and never rush things. I have my own goals and ambitions and that I should not be blinded by what I choose to believe, or choose to have.

Maybe I do need to keep my distance from now on; to stop hurting her and the people around her; give her space to breathe and move on her own. Because the closer I get, the worse it gets.

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