Just because you can....

…doesn't mean you should.

I'd been interviewed once at a particular site by my good friend, Katz del Rosario. From what I can remember, I left an advice about cosplay for those who are only starting, and what I said went something like, "Never underestimate cosplay; it's arts, math, and science mixed into one." Well, it's true, at least the way I see it. Making one costume is only 1/3 of the whole of cosplay. The other 2/3 is composed of characterization and attitude. Even after some years of cosplay, I can't say I have all that every time I don on the costume and relate with other people.

Apparently, I'm digressing.

My point really, for writing this entry is to let go of all the bitterness I have for knowing somebody I know who cosplay out of whim, but basically say, "Oh GOD, I LOVE THIS CHARACTER!" all the fucking time. Out of curiosity, maybe, but I'd like to think of it as some sort of a plot to get attention (wanted, expected, or unwelcome; whatever, really, IDC); a way to "compete". Come on. At least choose a character that suits you, jeez. And by golly, I'm not even doing it for popularity! I just want to get shots of costumes I've crammed and made with love and hate; cursed and praised! And of course, to show genuine love for the character.

(I should make this my mantra every time I go choose a character to cosplay: "Just because you can, doesn't mean you should.)

If I have no respect for the hobby, if I have no respect for myself, or I have no ounce of decency in my system, I'd have cosplayed those amazing characters I've been fond of for the longest time, like Kurapika from HxH, Sailor Jupiter from Sailormoon, Aerith from FF7, or even Princess Garnet til Alexandros VIII from FF9, Kuja (from the same game), Boa Hancock from One Piece. (The last one been terribly tempted to cosplay as, but shit, I HAVE NO IDEA WHO SHE IS, SO I CAN'T. Not counting the reason that I can't because I'm not boobylicious or I have no flat stomach. Bleh.)

Okay, okay, okay. I'll stop after I say the last thing I have in mind in relation to this entry:

FUCK I WANT TO COSPLAY RANKA LEE BUT I CAN'T, AND THEREFORE, WON'T.

TL;DR

Blatant Lie

So last time, I know I said I'd believe. But somehow, something tells me it's futile. I can't bring myself to believe someone who's so apt in weaving lies that whatever he/she says seems like the truth. For all I know, I've been played for a fool. Being spun in web of deceit, I let myself be lost in it with only one path of escape.

I've given it some thought, tested the waters, and unfortunately went in too deep. It was some mistake on my part; I have been deceived. I find it difficult to trust another when I've been blatantly, face-first, hit with a betrayal.

But yeah, maybe I'll go find someone else worthy to put my trust on.

Time is Ticking

05.21.2012

I can't remember the last time I wrote (or typed) down my thoughts. I'd been preoccupied by too many things, but when I try to enumerate them, they simply boil down to one source.

So I said I should be contented with what I have at the present. Be thankful for the friendship that is probably given to select people, and not ask for more. Even in the past, I kept reminding myself to be careful, not to look too deep into things, completely assess the scenario before plunging in and wreck myself in the process.

But at times, it's just impossible. "The more I look, the more I see. The more I see, the more I understand. The more I understand, the more I wallow. The more I wallow, the more I drown."

***

06.04.2012

"Sexy" can be interpreted in so many ways, mostly on a sexual connotation (duh). It does not, however, merely apply to one showing body parts not usually flaunted in public. It could mean one is holding herself with full confidence, it's eye-catching. Or that, one is gracious and irresistibly attractive at the same time. 

Call me envious; call me anything you like: a conservative little git who is jealous of people who can show off boobs and not care a thing. I probably am; because I'd been brought up bound by strict rules, with values and beliefs, principles that I believe I can follow not because merely of the moral implications upon deviating from them, but because they are what I believe is righteous.

I'm not saying that whatever is in here is absolute; I suppose I'm just the type of person who values respect and honesty so much that I can't stand people who seem to have no regard of their own and others' welfare. And this may be a different kind of projection of concern; the tone may be angry, even wrathful, to some extent.

Probably too cautious, too confined, too conservative, too old-fashioned, too obedient, too tense, I am acting self-righteous myself. But here's what I ask:  If you have no respect for the body that the Lord has granted you with as a temple of Life, would you expect others to respect you the way you are? And you say you're not easy. Don't make me laugh.

Someday, I'll find the courage to tell this to you straight in the face.

***

06.04.2012

We go way back. First time you scarred me was a long time ago; ti's supposed to be buried and must not be unearthed, but I'm being reminded of it each time we get together.

For someone like you to tell me--command me--that I change into something I'm not, just because I'm meek and not as loud as you, is something I can't forgive. Neither forget. I keep thinking of reasons as to why I'm still sticking with you when you have ruined my pride, and I suppose it's not for the 'noble' reason that I wanted to change you for the better, because that would be the same as what you've done to me. It is for the reason that I have not forgiven you at all, and that I must let you realize the damage you have inflicted on my pride, on my ego. 

I can't count the number of times you've ruined me, and that meant double the effort of putting myself back together. I don't need your pity. I don't need you to tell me what to do. I don't need you for me to depend on, as I have other people with me whom I know deserve my trust more that you.

You probably have a good intention in doing all those, but the catch was to change me. Well I think you've done a very good job, woman. I am changing for the worst, and I know that. The path to ruin was opened up by you and you led me there knowing i'd take it and traverse without hesitation. I trusted you, but you broke that, and I'm well aware of that now.

So don't be surprised if I doubt you more than I trust you. Slowly, I'll let you feel destruction. I pity you because between the two of us, you're the one who's in more need of help, not me. I was fine before you came along. I built friendships and trust. And by your cruel intentions, you've ruined that.

***

TL;DR