The Past You Carry with You

So. I was cleaning my room for the nth time and saw this scrap of paper with ugly scribbles on it I recognize as my poor (left) handwriting. Not actually the thing I wanna share, but the content that I successfully decoded:

Discipline is necessary in all fields of this course, in every profession, in every state of life. Without it, life will be in disarray; everything will be in chaos and only disorganization will exist. Which is why them Clinical Instructors (C.I.'s) would pour their hearts (and mouths and hands) out just to "uphold" their own versions of discipline.

I guess only 1 out of 5 C.I.'s will really boost the confidence of their loads. Only one of them will evern try to truly assist the students to achieve their goals or, at the very least, guide them towards the right path for them to learn their purpose or what they really want to do with their life; let them realize what being a NURSE really is, not try to degrade them and bury them six feet under the ground. Only one will give a student nurse a "proper scolding" with good enough points that will be part of his or her routine for the rest of his or her practice.

Honestly, I can't see the point why they have to scold us: these people raising their voices, pinching our biceps or triceps or deltoid areas while we're suctioning, throwing away those Nursing Care Plans just because they do not turn out to be as pleasing to the eyes and brains of the all high and mighty C.I.'s. They are all probably ego-tripping; an excuse to grind us all to dust. But I won't delve too much on the matter because by then, everything will just be going around in circles. 

So, in closing, there's this nurse on duty (NOD) who said this statement, which I hope will be drilled into the minds of those all high and mighty, oh glorious yet uncompassionate Clinical Instructors: "Kaya hindi ako nag-C.I. kasi hindi ako strict. Ang prinsipyo ko tungkol sa ganyang bagay, kung gusto mo talagang matuto, matuto ka nang sarili mo. Hindi mo na kailangang maging biktima o kaya mapagalitan dahil lang sa strikto sila. (I didn't become a C.I. because I'm not strict enough. There's a simple principle I follow: If you really want to learn, you have to do it by yourself. You don't have to become a victim [of somebody's wrath] just because they're strict.)"

Touche.

So hear me, yo mothafucka. Stop ya goddamn yellin' and scoldin' an' yappin' an' getcha fuckin' butt offa lives.

Peace out.

--May 2008, 5:16 a.m.

Late

For the first time in six years, I can clearly recall my dream with him in it: It was a typical day out in a rather cold place; we were donned on thick jackets and bonnets and gloves and earmuffs. He was walking alongside me, the wide smile on his youthful face was simply overflowing with happiness. I remember putting my arm around his shoulders, I was playfully pulling him closer and embracing him. Again, and again, and again. And then I seriously told him how much I missed him as I cried and he merely looked at me and smiled that sincere smile of his.

Snap.

Just like that, the dream came to an abrupt end.

Hello, Goodbye

2010 is indeed an eventful year -- met new people and gained friends, fleetingly practiced profession and had a glimpse of the real world, crossed the seas and spent the holidays away from home, but still at home...

I thank YOU for being a part of my life, and for letting ME be a part of yours. Cheers, 2011!