Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Just Because

Porque
Performed by: Maldita

***

Tulala lang sa’king kwarto
At nagmu-muni-muni
Ang tanong sa’king sarili
Sa’n ako nagkamali

Bakit sa’yo pa nagkagusto
Parang bula ika’y naglaho

Chorus:
Porque contigo yo ya iskuji
Aura mi corazon ta supri
Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi
Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti
Ta pidi milagro, vira’l tiempo
El mali hace derecho
Na dimio reso ta pidi yo
Era olvidas yo contigo

Ang lahat ay binigay ko
Ngayon ay sising-sisi
Sobra sobra ang parusa
Di alam kung kaya pa

Wag nang lumapit
At tumawag pa at baka masampal lang kita
Di babalikan
Magsisi ka man
Ako ay lisanin

Porque contigo yo ya iskuji
Aura mi corazon ta supri
Bien simple lang iyo ta pidi
Era cinti tu el cosa yo ya cinti

Bakit ikaw pa ang napili
Ngayon ang puso ko ay sawi
Kay simple lang ng aking hiling
Na madama mo rin ang pait at pighati

Sana’y magmilagro
Mabalik ko
Mali ay maiderecho
Pinagdarasal ko sa’king puso
Na mabura na sa isip ko


Before the day ended, I got a text from my friend:  "When one is in love, the only thing that makes sense is everything between them. But when one is in deceit, everything around them makes sense." 

But it's not as though I had been deceived. In truth, I was the one who was too blind to see everything that was happening around me. All the clues were laid out before me, I was merely preoccupied with my own assumptions, which basically made me end up on the "losing side". Somehow, though, the experience has taught me to be more observant, to be more keen, and stay on track. It does not help at all to assume facts or endings by simply relying on the words uttered; the sugar-coated praises, or manipulative remarks, or misleading conversations. 

One must always be wary of what others say, be it in their nature, or simply a whim. Try to be as objective as you can, empathize, put yourself in his/her shoes, and see the bigger picture. Try thinking out of the box and see where everything is going based on the signs given out. Doesn't hurt to be careful so you won't get hurt. Emotionally speaking, coming from a prideful creature whose ego had been grabbed by the head and dragged across the wall to bleed and crack open the skull.

They say it is impossible to keep emotions from interfering with work. I believe otherwise. In one way or another, emotional burden or mental stress can greatly affect one's performance on a job. And it sucks that such a little thing has racked my brain so hard it turned into mush. SNAP.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Melancholic Lights



Melancholic Lights.
The morose glow is dim,
Beauty, bleak.




Somber river of lights.


Photos are extensions of what the eyes have witnessed; the emotions in them, reflective of what is felt within.

Continue

So I will never forget the day a massive weight slammed down on one side of the scale that threw everything off-balance:


Continued Story
Vocals: Hitomi
Lyrics: Kuroishi Hitomi
Composition: Kuroishi Hitomi
Arrangement: Kuroishi Hitomi

***

Even just with that single droplet
I just might be able to protect the flower
It’s your smiling face, and with that alone
I can even reach out my hands
If you gather up those trembling voices
You just might be able to start a wind
Light the fleeting glow known as your life
And move your feet forward

La la la la la la la la lan
Let’s meet again someday
La la la la la la la la lan
As long as we’re still alive

What are my overflowing thoughts
That overcome time yet get caught by it?
Where are those people now?
Who keep kindness in corners of their eyes

There’s a new seat next to me
We’ll meet again for the sake of the future
Let’s try living through the day known as today
For as long as we can without façades
It’s sad and painful for people
Nevertheless, their roads continue endlessly

La la la la la la la la lan
Let’s meet again someday
La la la la la la la la lan
As long as we’re still alive

La la la la la la la la lan
That which the wind carries
La la la la la la la la lan
Is a melody that opens up tomorrow

La la la la la la la la lan
Let’s meet again someday
La la la la la la la la lan
As long as we’re still alive

La la la la la la la la lan
That which the wind carries
La la la la la la la la lan
Is a melody that opens up tomorrow

12.22.2011

The scale is broken. It's time to bite down the tears, forget the empty words spoken, and revert to the old ways. 

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Waiting, Yet Fleeting


Hanging by a metal thread: The fleeting life of a raindrop before it hits the ground.


*edit*
Today, a lot of things have happened. It has been a long day full of laughter and endless talks, but as I succumbed into the night, all the negative emotions have started pouring in. This photo probably pertained to my emotions, at the most. No matter how desperately cling onto that metal thread, a sliver of hope before the emotions shatter, a single tap was what I needed for everything to break. For an instant, a tear had dropped and vanished all the same. Where it had been is nothing but a void. Empty. Dead.
-12.22.2011

Friday, December 2, 2011

Orb, Sliver, Ray


Yet another familiar atmosphere lingers in our midst. But instead of feeling elated with the streets and malls being lit up, I actually feel a bit lonely. For some reason, there's that thought nagging in my head: "Where had the fun and special Christmas gone to? Where had the great anticipation waiting for St. Nicholas run off to?" That "special day" hadn't  been the same... for seven years now.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

From the Dust

MISSED

I dressed up, fixed my hair, applied make-up.
I walked with head held high though embarrassment was painted on my soul.
I spoke animatedly hoping to wash away the uneasiness that threatens to show.
I acted as though I were a Majesty who was to show up in front of those people and accept the crown.
And you were my King. 
I took a shot, squeezed my eyes as I tasted the bitter fluid,
The concoction almost intolerable,
The very tool used to inject courage in my wavering heart.
I clenched my fist and waited for a chance in bated breath.
I waited in bated breath.
But as reality showed its face upon me,
Bared its fangs against the alabaster skin,
Struck down its enemy, the Fantasy,
Everything went to a big blur.
Nothing remained still, nothing stayed lucid. 
Perhaps there weren't enough ounce of courage for me to use.
There wasn't enough opportunity to let a simple plan be set into motion.
Perhaps the flashing cameras were a bunch of distractions,
The lenses focusing on the exterior rather than the one Beyond.
And I only wanted one thing---- 
May I have the second button of your shirt?




-aruki, 020709; 11:59 pm



(A/N: Haha, just thought of this piece in a flash. Something happened last week and well, that inspired me to just put the thought into words. Half of this is based on experience though; half is bluff. Yeah. Pardon the utterly lame wordings--haven't written something in so long, that's why.)

Ahahaha, found this while reading through my old blogsite. XD

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Afternoon Contemplation

Try
by Asher Book

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don’t leave me
The world is catching up to you
While you're running away to chase your dream
Its time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change 
And maybe im not ready 

But I'll try for your love 
I can hide up above
I will try for your love 
we’ve been hiding enough 

If I sing you a song would you sing along 
or wait till im gone , oh how we push and pull 
If I give you my heart would you just play the part 
or tell me it’s the start of something beautiful 
Am I catching up to you 
while you're running away , to chase your dreams 
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change 
and maybe im not ready 

But I'll try for your love 
I can hide up above 
I will try for your love 
We’ve been hiding enough 

I will try for your love 
I can hide up above

If I walk would you run 
If I stop would you come
If I say you’re the one would you believe me

I feel like crying each time this song plays. I suppose there are just instances that the message of the song, or the entire feel of it is reflective of what we feel, or what we wish for. It's amazing how one can be moved simply by how the words are arranged and how they are delivered--in this case, sung. Ah, I'm getting distracted again.

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Cycle of Life


A fresh heart. 
Untainted, innocent, unwavering.

A weeping, corrugated heart. 
Unguarded, abused, neglected.

A decayed heart.
Famished, terminal, forgotten.

**

Ah, seriously want to elaborate this, but my brain's too fried to be able to come up with anything creative. I'm so sorry, Mr and Ms Leaf! I just had to take your photos! The rather morose weather inspired me. *cries* (Still contemplating whether I'd make this part of Project 52, or even start it at all, but for now, I'll leave it as is.)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Aitai




Sung by Megpoid/GUMI
Lyrics by Deadman
Composed by Dios (signalP)
NicoNicoDouga: http://www.nicovideo.jp/watch/sm11713594

Original / Romaji Lyrics

nee, ima sugu aitaiyo
honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa
itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni
todokanai mama

itsudemo sobani itakara
itsudemo warai attetakara
sou, itsudatte my friend
donnani hanareteitemo

kimi wo omou kono kimochi
negau hodo tsuraku naruyo
mou, ano hi mitaini
waraenaitte iwanaide

nee, ima sugu aitaiyo
honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa
itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni
todoka naimama

kimi ni aitai aitaiyo
ano hi mitaini "sukidayo"tte kikasete
itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni
todoka nakutemo

konomama sobani itakute
konomama warai attetakute
sou, itsumademo my friend
donnani hanareteitemo

kimi wo omou kono kimochi
negau hodo tsuraku naruyo
mou, ano hi mitaini
waraenaitte iwanaide

nee, korekara aitaiyo
yuuki dashite tobashitemone
meeru wa itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni
todokanai mama

kimi ni ai tai ai taiyo
ano hi mitaini "suki dayo"tte kikasete
itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni
todokanakutemo

nemurenai yoru nando koetemo
"aitai" kono kimochi
mada kietenaiyo

nee, ima sugu aitaiyo
honne kakushita nanigenai meeru wa
itsumademo kimi no kokoro no naka ni
todokanai mama

kimi ni aitai aitaiyo
ano hi majiwashita "sukidayo"tte kotobawa
itsumademo watashi no mune no naka ni
kanjiteru kara

todoka nakutemo
 kanjiteru kara
English Translation

Hey, I want to meet you right now
The plain text that hides the truth
Is always never delivered
To your heart

You were always by my side
You always laughed with me
Yes, you're always my friend
No matter how far apart we are

This heart that thinks of you
Becomes pained the more I wish
Now, like that day
Don't tell me that you can't laugh

Hey, I want to meet you right now
The plain text that hides the truth
Is always never delivered
To your heart

I want to meet you meet you
Tell me "I like you" like that day
Even if it isn't delivered
To your heart

I want to stay by your side
I want to always laugh with you
Yes, always my friend
No matter how far apart we are

This heart that thinks of you
Becomes pained the more I wish
Now, like that day
Don't tell me that you can't laugh

Hey, I want to meet you from now on
Even though I gather up courage and send you
This message, it'll never, like always,
Be delivered to your heart

I want to meet you meet you
Tell me "I like you" like that day
Even if it isn't delivered
To your heart

Even though many sleepless nights pass by,
"I want to meet you" this heart
Isn't gone yet

Hey, I want to meet you right now
The plain text that hides the truth
Is always never delivered
To your heart

I want to meet you meet you
The "I like you" we exchanged that day
Will always be felt
Inside my heart

Even if it's not delivered,
I'll feel it

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

What Love Can Give...


Love Gives Love Takes

Just when I thought I was safe
You found me in my hiding place
I'd promised never again
I wouldn't give my heart, but then
Closer, closer I moved near you
The way I want you makes me fear you

Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I can't believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take away

I find it hard to explain
It's crazy but it's happening
And I'm falling again
Much further than I've ever been
I'm falling deeper than the ocean
I am lost in this emotion

Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I can't believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take away

Ahh, Oh yeah

Love can give
And love can take away, (take away)

Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry, (love can make you cry)
I can't believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take away
Love breaks and love divides
Love laughs and love can make you cry
I can't believe the ways
That love can give
And love can take away

I've been listening to The Corrs since back in 5th grade. Our small group of friends even have this "jamming session" every lunch when we'll simply sing songs from their albums and just have fun. (But I have no idea where those people have gone after we entered high school. Different crowds, different schools; no connection at all anymore!)

I remember this song being one of my favorites back then. As embarrassing as it sounds, I had a crush on a classmate and this played in my head whenever she's near. Haha. But I'd like to thank her, for that fleeting feeling, because it opened a new door for me: I wrote prose and poems and even wrote songs.

But, indeed... what love can give, love can take away.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Smile


Smile 
by Uncle Kracker

You´re better then the best
I´m lucky just to linger in your light
Cooler than the flip side of my pillow that´s right
Completely unaware
Nothing can compare to where you send me
Lets me know that it´s ok 
Yeah it´s ok
And the moments when my good times start to fade

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed 
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head 
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold 
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Even when you´re gone
Somehow you come along
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that
You steal away the rain and just like that

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed 
Sing like a bird
Dizzy in my head 
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold 
buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile

Don´t know how I lived without you
'Cuz every time that I get around you
I see the best of me inside your eyes
You make me smile
You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold 
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild

You make me smile like the sun
Fall outta bed 
Sing like bird
Dizzy in my head 
Spin like a record
Crazy on a Sunday night

You make me dance like a fool
Forget how to breathe
Shine like gold 
Buzz like a bee
Just the thought of you can drive me wild
Oh, you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile
Oh, you make me smile 

Will probably start posting lyrics of songs that I'm listening to, and put some reflection on them. I haven't really stopped to listen to them; most of the time, I get attracted to a music because of the melody. It's about time I take it a little deeper.

For now, this is one random song in my player that I feel happy listening to. It's pretty simple, but apparently says something about how I'm feeling about a particular someone. Haha. Doesn't fail to make me smile. It's like, no matter how simple the gesture is, it makes the rather gloomy day totally bright!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Caffeine and Protein Boost

Sometimes, I can't help but think that whatever happiness I've experienced one time, an equivalent amount (or even greater) sadness or unfortunate things happen. Equivalent Exchange, yea?

It's been almost a week since our last getaway to Singapore to attend Anime Festival Asia, to support our friends who represented Philippines in the recently held Regional Cosplay Competition, along with other rep's from Southeast Asia: Thailand, Malaysia and Indonesia. It's one of the most unforgettable experiences I've had, and am feeling extra proud to be a Filipino cosplayer. To cut the story short, Team Philippines (March Omega's Zhel and AC) won the competition, and Sir Robert Wong bagged the award for Singles Competition.

But now, it's back to reality. Back to work, and the never-ending cycle of waking up each morning, dreading each step into the ward.

For the past few days, I have this chant in my head that's intended to keep me a little boosted with work. It's to keep my head from being in the clouds; to keep my feet firmly planted on the ground. Sadly, the power of words doesn't seem to have any effect in my performance. Instead, I continue to think and think and think, and it doesn't help one bit. When I think, I stop entirely and then my mind wanders to I-don't-know-where.

I need an inspiration badly. I want to have the burning passion to perform tasks efficiently. I want to be best both in career and hobby so I can say I'm satisfied.

Monday, November 14, 2011

One Lesson


I've been looking for a light
At the end of this tunnel
I've been searching for a sign
To lead me home

Too many endless nights
Of sorrow
But on the other side of this
I know that my heart will live

I never saw a man who walked on the water
I never met a man who walked on the water
But I still believe

I don't understand many things 
But the miracle of love
and all my dreams
'Cause I still believe

And the more I live my life
The lesser I question
All the things I just can't see
Right in front of my eyes
So I take that leap of faith
And learn a few lessons
Time showed me that
What you give is what you get

I never saw a man who walked on the water
I never met a man who walked on the water
But I still believe

I don't know the answer to my prayer
But I keep kneeling down like somebody is there
'Cause I still believe

Well, I guess I could give up
'Cause there are days I wanna run away
From everything
But what good would that do for me

'Cause I, I, I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water
I never met a man who walked on the water
But I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water
I never met a man who walked on the water
But I still believe (yes I do)

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring
But I'm open to all possibilities
'Cause I still believe

I never saw a man who walked on the water
I never met a man who walked on the water
But I still believe 

I don't really know what tomorrow will bring
But I'm open to all possibilities
'Cause I still believe

But I, but I believe

I never saw a man, never saw a man, never saw a man,
Who walked on the water
I never saw a man, never saw a man, never saw a man,
But I, but I, but I believe (yeah)
But I, but I, but I believe
But I, but I, but I believe


This song by Danny Gokey was playing on loop as I was walking around a park near Boon Keng Station around two, just this morning. I find it comforting to listen to, as it seemed to be speaking to me.

For the past weeks, there are random things running in my head that I neglect my health and work. Looking for a "healthy" distraction wasn't easy, either, as I wasn't even "functioning" well. There were moments when I was throwing questions out loud, or simply staring into the void.... and then, this came.

Whenever I feel like drowning into my thoughts again, I'll just play this song and everything is blown away. I just have to believe. :)

Saturday, September 24, 2011

Tournament of Champions---


It was a long shot for us. For me, at least, because I expected great results in such a short span of time, but I was inexperienced, and that lone fact should have made realize that I needed more time to accomplish what I set out to do.

Had it not been for work, I would have been able to finish it one time. "Priorities first", they say. Then again, why can some people finish too many tasks even though they have other things to attend to? Time management, I say.

Today's blunder taught me several lessons:


  • Your passion and desire drives you to finish what you have started.
  • Promises are not made to be broken. Unless you have a serious case of being at the brink of death, or simply your health is put into jeopardy.
  • Second chances are given to those who deserve it. You screw up, you're forgiven, but you have to make sure to not mess that chance up once more, or it's all over.
  • Efforts are never wasted; they are simply converted into another type of energy. One way or another, they will come in handy in accomplishing a grander cause.
  • Friends and family are the rarest treasures in the whole wide world. Nothing can ever replace them, and the truest ones stick with no matter what. 


Saturday, February 19, 2011

Pondered a little


It's a common sense to actually appreciate something (or someone) due to its aesthetically pleasing qualities seen by the naked eye. For some, it could be a well-made jewelry, a beautifully coutured gown, a handmade card, a colorful painting, or even a delicate figure of a ballet dancer. But for others, it goes deeper than that; they focus on something that is discreet, partially hidden from the threat of external force, trauma, destruction.

Sometimes, I could not help but wonder how shallow people have become. I'm sure that not only I am guilty of this, but we often judge people simply by their external appearance--how well they are dressed, how pretty their faces are, how elegant they look with their accessories. But isn't a person worth something more than those?

Yesterday, I went to a small-scale job fair so I dressed up like what a normal female would on an occasion such as that: yellow turtleneck, beige blazer, black pencil-cut skirt, skin-tone stockings and 4-inch wedged shoes. As I am not comfortable hooking a bag on my shoulder, I made use of a leather backpack that seemed to go with my attire. This, er, clothes totally deviates from my usual attire of plain tees and pants and rubber shoes with a hardcore knapsack to boot, so I was not entirely comfortable. But I tried to at least look like the part that I'm presentable enough and all business-like.

After looking around and leaving my resume, I decided to leave as there was nothing else to do. So I walked and walked and walked despite my feet screaming in agony, cursing me for dragging them along the hard concrete 'til I finally found a seat to relax my aching muscles. But as I was wandering around, I noticed people staring at me as I passed by them. I usually walk while staring at the ground because it was not like me to attract any attention. I don't really want that. As much as possible, I'd like to stay incognito, but alas, that day, I wasn't so... lucky.

My point here is that, well, if I went there and walked past them donning my usual clothes, they won't spare me a second glance because I simply wasn't that attractive and I'm basically not worth a second look. But after wearing those clothes and walking really slow, they notice what was once just seemed to be like a figment of their imagination. I even heard a low, "Hey there" as I tried to whiz my way out of the crowd. It kind of disappoints me to realize that unless you're looking utterly pretty, or at least, stand out in the midst of a normal crowd, nobody would even notice you. It makes me feel that there's a demand in this fast-paced world that you have to act like what most popular people do, or dress up like famous people would to be able to gain attention, or at least be rewarded a second-look (not that I'm asking for it, but meh)....

I wrote a blog on a tissue.

Which is relevant. Hah.

Lately, I've been wanting to keep myself busy to stop me from overthinking things, too much reflecting on a few stuffs that need not actually be contemplated at all. But, alas, there's this Force so great, it hinders me to actually accomplish my tasks. It's known by most people as Procrastination. Sigh. But I've been trying so hard to at least divert my attention on something more productive, like surfing the net to look for a job.

Which brings me to my entry. I found that a Nursing conference and job fair is to be held Feb 18 (today) - Feb 19 and I thought, this is it. So I prepared all the requirements, asked my friends what's a job fair like, and just went to the venue, light shining down upon me, making me all optimistic and giddy. But it didn't last long, that feeling. It was immediately spoiled by two utter disappointments.

I've finally laid my eyes on an utterly insecure woman. Insecure woman wasn't somebody I knew personally, but trusting my gut feel, she's somebody whom I'll never be amused, let alone be fond of. As I was waiting for a ride to the mall where the conference was held, I spied on this couple under the waiting shed. From afar, nothing special struck me, nor something interesting even wormed its way towards me. They were plain, typical, normal, so I minded my own business and just continued waiting for a ride. Long story short, they were sitting across me and one other passenger while the woman was apparently too busy displaying affection to her boyfriend. Being the slightly conservative person that I am, her actions irked me, sending me to wrinkle my nose in disgust and just look away in embarrassment. It was not amusing at all, for I cannot see the point of letting us watch her boyfriend was wiping sweat off her back. Sure, if it was their car, or if we were all friends, or that there wasn't a slightly-conservative-person on board, then it's okay. But still, doing that in public? Even though they're not doing anything to harm me, I still think it's not appropriate. Another thing which irritates me was her sideway glances at me; it's as if I was a threat or something. I tried to ignore it by chanting in my head to just "look away", "don't look at them", "leave them be and let them make a fool of themselves", or even think of something to make myself sit comfortably for the remainder of the trip, but it was futile. The woman was apparently an attention-whore. That, or she's something else, I thought. Then it struck me--she must be insecure. Why would she do that, and lie on her boyfriend's lap like some three-year-old in the first place? I'm not here to brag or anything, but she started acting immaturely, speaking like a toddler, being all snuggly while continuing to look in my direction. Yes, I can see that through my peripheral vision, thank you.  I went "WTF" in my head while smirking evidently. I'm not even the most beautiful woman in the world; hell, calling myself beautiful will even be an insult to a unicorn, I simply do not see why she have to be insecure to a creature like me.

BRB, DYING. Hah. People like that really do exist, huh? It was not my intention to initially deduce that she might be insecure and/or threatened with my presence in front of her boyfriend. LMAO. I actually thought that she might be from somewhere else or she's a goddamn spoiled brat, or she's just fucking immature in reality, in all actuality, in all truth. BUT! If she acting her age (or at least, like an adult that she apparently is), she won't go do something outrageous only to keep her bf's eyes on her, making themselves look pathetically idiotic. FUCK YEA.

Hurr. Moving on, my second disappointment: The job fair. Honestly, I thought it was something bigger, like the ones I see on TV, where there are several people roaming here and there, leaving their resume's on several booths, but the one I attended wasn't like that. I registered and went inside, only to find out that the ones in there are actually booths of review centers and recruiting agencies. What was more, there were only seven of them! The scene almost made me facepalm myself. But I still left my resume at the registration area, hoping that I'll at least get a call. In truth though, it was fairly nice to be surrounded by anything related to your profession.. but with that positive comes a shadow of its opposite: I felt that it was intimidating, too. For some reason, knowing that I have graduated almost two years ago, had only three months experience in the hospital, makes me feel so little, in contrast to those who have only recently graduated and immediately landed a job or have taken the other exams for working abroad; accomplished so much in so little time. I can't help but wonder if I had been giving enough effort to have at least a little progress in my life; am I really walking towards my dream, or have I gone stuck on another step just when I had taken the first one? Am I really cut to this world or I belong somewhere else? Ugh. All these uncertainties makes me feel more depressed.

Been giving it a lot of thought lately, and the picture isn't so pretty. And it's not even my kind of thing to be preoccupied with. Argh!

Anyway, those are the only stuff I'm gonna share for now. Just feeling a bit glad to let it out of my chest somehow, even though nobody actually reads this blog, LOL.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

What Are You Like?


I was browsing for some facts about coffee and stumbled upon this:

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, “Tell me, what you see?”

“Carrots, eggs, and coffee,” she replied. Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots.

She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it.

After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, “What does it mean, mother?”

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity … boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water.

“Which are you?” she asked her daughter. “When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond?

Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?”



Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength? Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Addicted

Well, not entirely. I don't have the original DVD, game (or console, for that matter), plushies and figures of Meet the Robinsons. I'm actually regretting the fact that I didn't watch it on silver screen during March 30, 2007. There was a whole bunch of MtR merchandise in the bookstore and toy stores and I just rolled my eyes on them. I deeply regret it.

My favorite character in the said movie would be Wilbur. Aside from the fact that he's comical, I find his determination to fix everything at the expense of his existence commendable. Not many people are willing to risk their lives, their very presence in a parallel world, thirty years in the future, only to keep a promise to somebody important to him.

I particularly felt proud of him when he went to the past to let Lewis see his mother; staying true to his end of the bargain. Wilbur had that look as if he was ready to give up being "Wilbur Robinson" of the future and let his existence be erased, and that shows courage beyond anything else.

"Look, I messed up. I left the garage unlocked, but I tried like crazy to fix things. But now it's up to you. You can do it, Dad." 
"I never thought my dad would be my best friend." 
"We agreed that.. if you fix the time machine, I'd take you back to see your mom..."

I don't usually change my wallpaper because I'm lazy like that, but Wilbur Robinson changed that.
 "Stay."


"Wilbur is the son of Franny and Cornelius."

But... Wilbur Robinson is still second to Jim Hawkins. :)



[Character (c) Walt Disney; photo, Googled]

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Past You Carry with You

So. I was cleaning my room for the nth time and saw this scrap of paper with ugly scribbles on it I recognize as my poor (left) handwriting. Not actually the thing I wanna share, but the content that I successfully decoded:


Discipline is necessary in all fields of this course, in every profession, in every state of life. Without it, life will be in disarray; everything will be in chaos and only disorganization will exist. Which is why them Clinical Instructors (C.I.'s) would pour their hearts (and mouths and hands) out just to "uphold" their own versions of discipline.
I guess only 1 out of 5 C.I.'s will really boost the confidence of their loads. Only one of them will evern try to truly assist the students to achieve their goals or, at the very least, guide them towards the right path for them to learn their purpose or what they really want to do with their life; let them realize what being a NURSE really is, not try to degrade them and bury them six feet under the ground. Only one will give a student nurse a "proper scolding" with good enough points that will be part of his or her routine for the rest of his or her practice.
Honestly, I can't see the point why they have to scold us: these people raising their voices, pinching our biceps or triceps or deltoid areas while we're suctioning, throwing away those Nursing Care Plans just because they do not turn out to be as pleasing to the eyes and brains of the all high and mighty C.I.'s. They are all probably ego-tripping; an excuse to grind us all to dust. But I won't delve too much on the matter because by then, everything will just be going around in circles. 
So, in closing, there's this nurse on duty (NOD) who said this statement, which I hope will be drilled into the minds of those all high and mighty, oh glorious yet uncompassionate Clinical Instructors: "Kaya hindi ako nag-C.I. kasi hindi ako strict. Ang prinsipyo ko tungkol sa ganyang bagay, kung gusto mo talagang matuto, matuto ka nang sarili mo. Hindi mo na kailangang maging biktima o kaya mapagalitan dahil lang sa strikto sila. (I didn't become a C.I. because I'm not strict enough. There's a simple principle I follow: If you really want to learn, you have to do it by yourself. You don't have to become a victim [of somebody's wrath] just because they're strict.)"
Touche.
So hear me, yo mothafucka. Stop ya goddamn yellin' and scoldin' an' yappin' an' getcha fuckin' butt offa lives.
Peace out.



--May 2008, 5:16 a.m.