Which is relevant. Hah.
Lately, I've been wanting to keep myself busy to stop me from overthinking things, too much reflecting on a few stuffs that need not actually be contemplated at all. But, alas, there's this Force so great, it hinders me to actually accomplish my tasks. It's known by most people as Procrastination. Sigh. But I've been trying so hard to at least divert my attention on something more productive, like surfing the net to look for a job.
Which brings me to my entry. I found that a Nursing conference and job fair is to be held Feb 18 (today) - Feb 19 and I thought, this is it. So I prepared all the requirements, asked my friends what's a job fair like, and just went to the venue, light shining down upon me, making me all optimistic and giddy. But it didn't last long, that feeling. It was immediately spoiled by two utter disappointments.
I've finally laid my eyes on an utterly insecure woman. Insecure woman wasn't somebody I knew personally, but trusting my gut feel, she's somebody whom I'll never be amused, let alone be fond of. As I was waiting for a ride to the mall where the conference was held, I spied on this couple under the waiting shed. From afar, nothing special struck me, nor something interesting even wormed its way towards me. They were plain, typical, normal, so I minded my own business and just continued waiting for a ride. Long story short, they were sitting across me and one other passenger while the woman was apparently too busy displaying affection to her boyfriend. Being the slightly conservative person that I am, her actions irked me, sending me to wrinkle my nose in disgust and just look away in embarrassment. It was not amusing at all, for I cannot see the point of letting us watch her boyfriend was wiping sweat off her back. Sure, if it was their car, or if we were all friends, or that there wasn't a slightly-conservative-person on board, then it's okay. But still, doing that in public? Even though they're not doing anything to harm me, I still think it's not appropriate. Another thing which irritates me was her sideway glances at me; it's as if I was a threat or something. I tried to ignore it by chanting in my head to just "look away", "don't look at them", "leave them be and let them make a fool of themselves", or even think of something to make myself sit comfortably for the remainder of the trip, but it was futile. The woman was apparently an attention-whore. That, or she's something else, I thought. Then it struck me--she must be insecure. Why would she do that, and lie on her boyfriend's lap like some three-year-old in the first place? I'm not here to brag or anything, but she started acting immaturely, speaking like a toddler, being all snuggly while continuing to look in my direction. Yes, I can see that through my peripheral vision, thank you. I went "WTF" in my head while smirking evidently. I'm not even the most beautiful woman in the world; hell, calling myself beautiful will even be an insult to a unicorn, I simply do not see why she have to be insecure to a creature like me.
BRB, DYING. Hah. People like that really do exist, huh? It was not my intention to initially deduce that she might be insecure and/or threatened with my presence in front of her boyfriend. LMAO. I actually thought that she might be from somewhere else or she's a goddamn spoiled brat, or she's just fucking immature in reality, in all actuality, in all truth. BUT! If she acting her age (or at least, like an adult that she apparently is), she won't go do something outrageous only to keep her bf's eyes on her, making themselves look pathetically idiotic. FUCK YEA.
Hurr. Moving on, my second disappointment: The job fair. Honestly, I thought it was something bigger, like the ones I see on TV, where there are several people roaming here and there, leaving their resume's on several booths, but the one I attended wasn't like that. I registered and went inside, only to find out that the ones in there are actually booths of review centers and recruiting agencies. What was more, there were only seven of them! The scene almost made me facepalm myself. But I still left my resume at the registration area, hoping that I'll at least get a call. In truth though, it was fairly nice to be surrounded by anything related to your profession.. but with that positive comes a shadow of its opposite: I felt that it was intimidating, too. For some reason, knowing that I have graduated almost two years ago, had only three months experience in the hospital, makes me feel so little, in contrast to those who have only recently graduated and immediately landed a job or have taken the other exams for working abroad; accomplished so much in so little time. I can't help but wonder if I had been giving enough effort to have at least a little progress in my life; am I really walking towards my dream, or have I gone stuck on another step just when I had taken the first one? Am I really cut to this world or I belong somewhere else? Ugh. All these uncertainties makes me feel more depressed.
Been giving it a lot of thought lately, and the picture isn't so pretty. And it's not even my kind of thing to be preoccupied with. Argh!
Anyway, those are the only stuff I'm gonna share for now. Just feeling a bit glad to let it out of my chest somehow, even though nobody actually reads this blog, LOL.
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