Never Meant to Be

Maybe i should stop getting close to people. Maybe it should be better if i go back to the way i was, where i'm all alone and things were simple with my thoughts alone, with my stories, with my books, with my papers and pens. Because the closer i get to someone, things become complicated, or i complicate them, and then i hurt her or him without knowing, and when i realize what i did, i hurt myself in the process.

I say i don't want to hurt people, i don't want those people important to me get hurt by something i say or do. I don't enjoy pain either, but it's better if i shoulder it by myself than let them experience it, right?

Ah. Maybe i'm a coward; i don't want to face the conflicts. Maybe i don't know how to fix them. It's either i'm made to experience suffering alone and to shun myself, to keep from asking help from others, or; i'm just too stupid to think of a way to reverse the situation.

"For every laugh, there should be a tear," says Walt Disney. So maybe if i don't try to be happy, there's no way i'll have something to cry about, right?

Maybe, i was never meant to be happy.